Movie Review: Four Boxes

*This review was originally posted on BrutalAsHell.com, but was pulled and replaced with more of a well-thought out and better written review.  I stand by this review, however, as more thought was put into my review than was put into this pile of crap that is the film Four Boxes.

DVD Review: Four Boxes (2009)
Directed by: Wyatt McDill
Starring: Justin Kirk, Terryn Westbrook, Sam Rosen
Review by: Sean Duregger

Some movies are “so-bad-they’re-enjoyable-with-alcohol”.  Some movies are just plain bad and annoying.  Four Boxes isn’t enjoyable even with vast amounts of alcohol, believe me, I tried.  I’d compare this to a Horror version of The Room, but The Room is actually enjoyable on a certain level, hell it even had more gore.  Maybe this should have been called Four Rooms? Oh wait, a far superior movie already has that title. From absolutely horrible dialogue to atrocious pacing, Four Rooms is a total piece of shit and a waste of time.

Here’s an example of some of the dialogue:

“What are you listening to, music?” (when clearly music is playing.)
“Sex is totally awesome!”
“Computers make me horny.”
“True dat.”
“Bro Shizzy”

Basically, the plot goes like this.  2 guys spend a couple days in an abandoned house to clear out all the junk left by the previous owners.  Rob (Sam Rosen) shows Trevor (Justin Kirk) a weird website called Fourboxes.tv where a hooded weirdo moved about four rooms via webcam.  Meanwhile, Rob decides to invite his fiance, Amber (Terryn Westbrook) (who used to date Trevor, notch!) and mumbly, snarky arguments ensue, not to mention a (gasp!) poor excuse for a love triangle.

Horrible editing, inept dialogue using some of the worst examples of modern slang (“broseph” “check this” “what the f?” “whack”), Four Boxes is a complete waste of time, if you make it to the end and see the “twist” you’ll be even more frustrated.  I really hated this flick.

The DVD comes with some uninspired “special features” of deleted scenes and bloopers.  The transfer is decent for a smaller independent flick.  Four Boxes is rated R for language and some sexuality, notice it’s not rated R for any violence what-so-ever.

2 thoughts on “Movie Review: Four Boxes

  1. EatMe

    “Four Boxes” is the movie that helps people identify wannabe movie critics. This movie rocked balls! the best budget film you’ll ever see.

  2. makeswork

    Four Boxes is mis-categorized as “horror” – it’s more “mind-bender” than anything. I’d say this movie is twisted, funny, suspenseful, well-acted, and smartly written. Clearly you’re not down for any subtlety or irony in your movie scripts. I think the dialogue you despise was, on the contrary, MEANT to seem shallow – the quality of the acting, and of the relationships revealed gradually by the movie’s progression, reveals that these characters WISH they could be other than the shallow people they’re becoming. That’s the tragedy that’s going on here, and the social commentary the movie is trying to get at (if only you’d let it) – a wry commentary on the mind-numbing banality of conventional, dead-end, strip-mall-defined suburban living and the people stuck within it. I found the subplot of the characters’ relationships with each other to be as engaging and suspenseful as the main plot surrounding the “internet killer.” I thought the pacing and editing could have been improved (you’re right about that) and I also had some issues with the ending – it seemed too quick, and maybe too easy, but it was more about disappointment and the stupid waste of these kids’ lives than about providing us, the audience, with an opportunity to get our horror movie rocks off. If that’s what you want most from a movie, then, no, this movie won’t deliver. If you’re interested in smart dialogue and character development (yes, disguised as dumb dialogue – get it?), good acting, and a view on our current cultural landscape that derides any easy answers, plus suspense and humor, you’ll find it here.

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