*This review was originally posted on BrutalAsHell.com, but was pulled and replaced with more of a well-thought out and better written review.Â I stand by this review, however,Â as more thought was put into my review than was put into this pile of crap that is the filmÂ Four Boxes.
DVD Review: Four Boxes (2009)
Directed by: Wyatt McDill
Starring: Justin Kirk, Terryn Westbrook, Sam Rosen
Review by:Â Sean Duregger
Some movies are “so-bad-they’re-enjoyable-with-alcohol”. Â Some movies are just plain bad and annoying. Â Four Boxes isn’t enjoyable even with vast amounts of alcohol, believe me, I tried. Â I’d compare this to a Horror version of The Room, but The Room is actually enjoyable on a certain level, hell it even had more gore. Â Maybe this should have been called Four Rooms? Oh wait, a far superior movie already has that title. From absolutely horrible dialogue to atrocious pacing, Four Rooms is a total piece of shit and a waste of time.
Here’s an example of some of the dialogue:
“What are you listening to, music?” (when clearly music is playing.)
“Sex is totally awesome!”
“Computers make me horny.”
Basically, the plot goes like this. Â 2 guys spend a couple daysÂ in an abandoned house to clear out all the junk left by the previous owners. Â Rob (Sam Rosen) shows Trevor (Justin Kirk) a weird website called Fourboxes.tv where a hooded weirdo moved about four rooms via webcam. Â Meanwhile, Rob decides to invite his fiance, Amber (TerrynÂ Westbrook) (who used to date Trevor, notch!) and mumbly, snarky arguments ensue, not to mention a (gasp!) poor excuse for a love triangle.
Horrible editing, inept dialogue using some of the worst examples of modern slang (“broseph” “check this” “what the f?” “whack”), Four Boxes is a complete waste of time, if you make it to the end and see the “twist” you’ll be even more frustrated. Â I really hated this flick.
The DVD comes with some uninspired “special features” of deleted scenes and bloopers. Â The transfer is decent for a smaller independent flick. Â Four Boxes is rated R for language and some sexuality, notice it’s not rated R for any violence what-so-ever.